Need to get it out...

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neko2
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Need to get it out...

Postby neko2 » Wed Sep 18, 2013 9:06 am

After hubs reading a friends post on FB about her c section scars he made the usual comment about how women hold on to the loss of a child. He doesn't get it and trying to explain it is a waste of time. When we were a younger married couple, his mom was pushing for grandkids and she commented about how I didn't want to "hurt my figure" by having kids. I have never even had a pregnancy scare. Hubs wouldn't go in for a count unless I helped, even though I explained why it had to be all him (contamination). Since he wouldn't do that they did nothing more than blood work on me. We never found out whose plumbing didn't work. There is a whole bunch of shit with that set of in-laws. I know she has more power over him than he is aware of. Trying to explain how invitro would be a very bad idea for me would not even be understood.
Any way since we now have a wonderful little one, he has made callous comments (short comments) about how I know nothing about the loss women feel for miscarriages, etc. I have never told him how I feel about not having a child come out of me. We have a child so it doesn't matter now. She is ours no matter what. Sometimes I wonder if deep down he stills sees her as not ours or if we had had some after getting her he would have treated her different from the others.
Guess I feel the barbs, which may not be intentional, more that I should. Thanks for letting bitch.

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Calypso
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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby Calypso » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:18 pm

You should say something to him because maybe he's just unaware that it hurts you. Or you should just say something to put him in his place anyway.

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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby Honeybun » Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:03 am

My sister is 28 and knows she can't have children herself as she found out at 16yrs old she doesn't have a womb. This does not stop her longing for a child herself, as much as she knows it's not possible. In a way not being able to bare a child yet wanting one is similar to the pain of a loss.
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neko2
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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby neko2 » Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:52 pm

I do need to talk to him about this but need to wait until the stress is down. Life is going to get a bit more tumultuous before it settles.

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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby shaza » Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:43 am

(((neko))) - good that you got that out...

neko2
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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby neko2 » Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:35 am

Had a short chat with him. We'll see if it sticks. If not I'll have it again. :mad:

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Re: Need to get it out...

Postby Dandelion » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:44 pm

Hopefully it does. I just don't think it's fair for someone else to judge a woman about such things, "hanging on to the loss of a child," or feelings of sadness about not having children/giving birth, etc. That's a very, very personal topic. Someone who has never been through it cannot understand what it feels like. Everyone goes through things in their own way. Ideally, one can be supportive, and keep one's mouth shut otherwise!


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