The Athena Chronicles.

Be yourself and maybe someone else if you have it in you.

Moderators: GlamDude, jim_test, The Ghost of Case

User avatar
jim
Dicktater Supreme
Dicktater Supreme
Posts: 575
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:55 pm
Location: Seattle, WA
Contact:

The Athena Chronicles.

Postby jim » Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:58 pm

Starring Athena Baxivanos, Dave Holland, and an assortment of various characters, these chronicles will make you cry, laugh, and then cry some more when you realize it is all true.

Today's episode: The Ice Cream Calamity!

The afternoon had gone from bad to worse. That was pretty much my baseline by now: June, 2011. Bad.

Being a Friday, it was going to be a night out to celebrate Athena having made it through a week fraught with a special kind of pain she called "working with those stupid blacks." But she didn't use the word "blacks."

She settled on a local steakhouse that had a free happy hour buffet of assorted comestibles, and that was why she settled on it, I am pretty sure. I brought along my iPad so we could play backgammon while we drank overpriced wine. Things were going okay at first, but again, that is still: bad. Athena decided to then bring up the condo in Florida we had been renting. The truth was that *I* had been renting it since she decided she hated Florida six months into our lease and moved back to Baltimore. I had been paying the rent and all the bills and taking care of the cats, etc, since she left.

I finally got sick of the South and joined her in Baltimore. But we still a few months left on the lease, so I was paying that for an empty Condo on the Gulf Coast. She was asking, this night over drinks, if I had made the rent payment for June. The fact was I had not and I told her this. Probably not a good idea.

I played my backgammon move and was waiting for her to go when I noticed she was just sitting there, staring at me, with smoke pouring out of her ears. I asked her, "What are you all quiet about?"

"I want to punch you in the face right now," came the reply. Well, that didn't sound too pleasant. Her skinny knuckles breaking across my chiseled jaw. But she was serious, I could tell. And knowing her, violence seemed to be the next stepping stone on her Path of Abuse.

"Why do you want to punch me in the face right now?" I had to ask. I couldn't just guess as to why, could I?

"Because you are fucking up MY credit score. But that is how you California stoners do things. You just fuck everything up and ruin your finances." This was her actual reasoning, her process of logic. She believed that me paying rent a couple of days late on the condo that was in MY name was a direct result of being from California and was going to damage her financial reputation. Well, I was on good terms with the owner and he had no problem with me being a few days late. But let me get to the "juice" as we say.

So, the evening decays into a puddle of bat's piss and she decides it is time to go. We get in her BMW 325i and leave the restaurant. As fate would have it a rainstorm of note was advancing on our position, bringing along ribbons of lightning that illuminated the Southern sky.

Athena would not be driving that night, she has had too much to drink. So, it is up to me to deliver us safely to the home in Catonsville. I pull out of the restaurant parking lot and hit the road. We stop at a red light and while we are waiting for it to change a car slides along the newly moistened asphalt behind us and ends up in the ditch just to our left. This was a controlled maneuver executed to avoid ramming the BMW up the assholes.

"Wow!" I exclaim. "That was a close one." She is oblivious. So the light changes and I move forward, allowing the vehicle to my left to enter the stream of traffic. I look in the mirror and see this woman on her cellphone, holding an ice cream cone and driving with her elbows. WTF?! I tell Athena about this amazing feat being performed behind us. She is oblivious.

Then the lightning starts and it is lighting up the rear-view mirror. So much so that I keep glancing to the mirror when it lights up. Then it begins, the Baxivanos Effect, I call it.

She turns and looks at me and says, "Why don't you stop the car and go back there and tell her you want to fuck her?"

"Who?"

"Your fat Mexican whore in the car behind us."

"My Mexican whore?"

"That fat pig in the car behind us, the one you can't stop staring at, the one eating the ice cream cone that you wish was your cock. I know what every man thinks when he sees a woman eating an ice cream cone: he wants his cock in her mouth. You should just stop the car and go back there and tell her you want to fuck her fat Mexican ass."

Apparently Athena HAD been paying attention to the ice cream thing I mentioned. But she was not aware of the lightning that was illuminating the mirror. I explained that.

"I am looking in the mirror because of the lightning, not because of the woman."

"Men always think the same thing when they see a woman eating ice cream. You want to put your cock in her mouth, go tell her. You like fat Mexican whores."

This was a strange one to hear. Yet, after two years, I had come to be expectant of these kinds of things. This was where Athena Baxivanos shone, this was her forte. She was a master of the art of ripping into people for various reasons, though, those reasons were mostly manifestations of her own delusional mind. And here she was again, accusing me of some really weird shit: I was supposed to somehow be attracted to the woman (presumably a Mexican) in the car behind me, her ice cream made me think of oral sex, and I like fat Mexican whores.

So, the rest of the ride home was basically this conversation: me denying I was looking at the fat Mexican whore in the mirror, her asserting that all men seeing an ice-cream-eating woman fantasizing about oral sex.

Well, we got home that night and I tied a good one on, knowing that I would be sleeping on the couch again anyways. I smoked and drank deep into the night, accompanied by housemate Charles. How HE is another story altogether.
"Who is in charge? The motherfucking wave function is in charge!" - Jeem, Dicktater Supreme - MCHY

User avatar
tonksrok
Clown Loach Kitty
Clown Loach Kitty
Posts: 17579
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:14 am
Location: On the Left Coast, south of Hollywierd
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby tonksrok » Sun Dec 30, 2012 8:41 am

I wouldn't call this a saga - more of an never ending horror story. :oh:
A house without a cat is not a home.

"Always have bail money." 50 Cent

User avatar
badplantmommy
Feral Fecal Freak
Feral Fecal Freak
Posts: 16891
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:28 pm
Location: Deep Space
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby badplantmommy » Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:10 pm

tonksrok wrote:I wouldn't call this a saga - more of an never ending horror story. :oh:


I'll say! She sounds like the kind of broad a man would chew his leg off to get away from! :oh:
--J--
Is that all there is?

User avatar
Calypso
Agoraphobic Asshat
Agoraphobic Asshat
Posts: 6785
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:55 pm
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby Calypso » Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:14 pm

Holy batshit crazy lady!

User avatar
vonney
Attack Cat
Attack Cat
Posts: 428
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 6:31 pm
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby vonney » Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:24 pm

Image
Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.
~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

User avatar
tonksrok
Clown Loach Kitty
Clown Loach Kitty
Posts: 17579
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:14 am
Location: On the Left Coast, south of Hollywierd
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby tonksrok » Mon Dec 31, 2012 3:47 pm

Unfortunately, I have met one who is just as crazy (maybe even crazier) as this Athena bitch. My reality's version is currently inflicting herself on someone I care a great deal about and the only solution I can think of is a car bomb. Why and how decent men get sucked into their mind boggling craziness I will never be able to figure out.
A house without a cat is not a home.

"Always have bail money." 50 Cent

User avatar
jim
Dicktater Supreme
Dicktater Supreme
Posts: 575
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:55 pm
Location: Seattle, WA
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby jim » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:50 pm

All true...
"Who is in charge? The motherfucking wave function is in charge!" - Jeem, Dicktater Supreme - MCHY

User avatar
grimalkin
Ethereal Buddha Cat
Ethereal Buddha Cat
Posts: 21395
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 6:40 am
Location: Looking into the mists of time
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby grimalkin » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:03 am

Wow. And HOW long did you stay with her???? WHY????? I mean, for most sane people, one episode like this would be enough.

You should talk to Tipper. His housemate when I met him was almost this crazy. But, you know, without the sexual content, because she kept pretending that she was "just his friend" even though she acted like she owned him and clearly wanted to fuck him.
"You're as likely to contact the Universal Mind with a spell from a book as you are to reach the White House dialing random numbers into a phone."

User avatar
Ireneb
Catbox Archaeologist
Catbox Archaeologist
Posts: 2515
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2012 4:47 pm
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby Ireneb » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:14 am

Nasty piece of work, you're well out there.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -- Winston Churchill

User avatar
allegro63
Calico Carpetmuncher
Calico Carpetmuncher
Posts: 9141
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 10:07 am
Location: land of grits and insane politics
Contact:

Re: The Athena Chronicles.

Postby allegro63 » Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:10 pm

Wow Jeem. People think that its always the man who's the abusive one in the relationship, but there are enough females ( i don't think they deserve the term woman) out there who have nothing to live for but to make life utterly miserable for anyone who gets close to them. G's ex was a piece of work, never met the woman but I get to live with the damage she has done to my wonderful husband and his kids. She would make my death list..but she's not famous enough.
To err is human, to really fuck it up, take this handheld device..."


Return to “Your Ramblings”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest